Honey or Vinegar?

Posted on Tuesday, February 14th, 2017 by Marc Beyer and is filed under Communication,  Divorce,  Process.

I often hear from my clients that they “just want this to be over.” And, who doesn’t? Divorce is not pleasant. Not too many people enjoy it.

Yet, despite making such statements, these same people often behave in such a way that is not necessarily consistent with “just getting this over.” What do I mean by this? Well, as a practical matter, for a divorce case to settle, both sides need to feel like they are getting something. Both sides need to feel like they have been treated fairly. Both sides must be willing to make concessions. Both sides must recognize the concessions the other side has made. Both sides must approach the negotiating process in good faith, and both sides must feel like the other side is cooperating with them and respects the process.

For these reasons, how you (or your lawyer) communicate with the other side is very important. Sometimes clients want me to write letters to their spouse’s lawyer pointing out all of the nasty things that they have done. They want me to spew venom at the other attorney. This won’t help get the case settled, though. This won’t get your case over. Trust me, the opposing attorney will not write back and say, “You know what. You’re right. Here’s a blank check.” Quite the opposite will happen. The other side will feel compelled to respond in kind. Such conduct just isn’t helpful if you truly want to settle your case.

If you truly want your case to be over with, you have a much better chance of building some goodwill with the other side – and getting the results you want – if you approach them with honey instead of vinegar.

Meet Marc Beyer

Interested in reading more?


Contact Beyer & Simonson in Edina, Minnesota

If you are facing divorce and any of the divorce-related issues such as spousal maintenance, child support, child custody, property division, or domestic abuse matters, you need our experienced Minneapolis divorce attorneys to help you. Contact Beyer & Simonson in Edina, Minnesota today at (952) 303-6007.