Pick Your Battles

Posted on Tuesday, February 7th, 2017 by Marc Beyer and is filed under Divorce,  Life.

This goes without saying, but one of the fundamental things that happens in a divorce is the husband and wife transition from living together as part of one household to living in two separate households. It’s not easy. There are bumps in the road. Life is different. Schedules and routines are thrown on their head. Everyone involved, including the kids, must adjust to a new normal.

A new normal isn’t easy to accept. You will have to come to an agreement with your spouse regarding certain details of implementing the new normal. This transition often happens when emotions are running at their highest and the parties aren’t in much of a mood for cooperating with each other. For example, when you are living in separate households, regardless of what the parenting time schedule looks like in the end, there will necessarily be parenting time exchanges. Either you will drive to your ex-spouse’s residence, your ex-spouse will drive to your residence, or you’ll meet somewhere in between. There isn’t really a right or wrong way to do it. You just need to figure out when and where the exchanges will occur.

You will have enough things to negotiate in your divorce case. Don’t find yourself getting into disputes about things like where you will meet to exchange the kids. As a general rule, you should try to equally share in the driving. Or, if not picking up or dropping off at each other’s residence, try to meet somewhere in the middle. But if circumstances require that you do more of the driving, or if the proposed location for the parenting time exchange is closer to your ex-spouse’s residence, try not to let this bother you. Assuming we are not talking about significant differences, it’s probably not worth fighting over. Don’t feel like your ex-spouse is “winning” if the drop-off location is two miles closer to their house than it is to your house.

Arguing about such things can send the message that you are more interested in fighting with your ex-spouse than you are about amicably settling your case. That can damage credibility, which can spill over into other, more important issues. Pick your battles wisely.

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